insecurity kills!

humans are never perfect.even if they appear to have the confidence that no one on earth has, they still do feel insecurity.i know someone.she is like such a strong person,untouchable and not to say,self-confident:thumbs up!but she came to me few days ago, telling me that she's feeling very insecure being herself!and that was a total shock for me.so,we continue talking. she told me, that she never ever ever felt anything like that before,but she's feeling it now.it strikes my head how and why does people like that feels insecurity?i know this girl for a very very long time.she is just how she is.not knowing what people think and even if she knows it, she wouldn't care.and she told me something.
"i appear to be strong,and i know i am.but when things like this happen,it's really hard to tell people,what you're feeling.because they see how strong you stand,and guess wht do they have in mind,NOTHING COULD EVER BRING DOWN PEOPLE LIKE THIS.the moment you tell them, "im feeling insecure",there are like thousands of WHY coming out of their mouth;bullets of why.and sometimes,get it straight,people!explanation is not always easy.eventhough i know wht im feeling,saying it out,my words are all over the place..and worse of all,suddenly all the blame goes to me".this is what she told me.hearing her talking all these things out, i know the hardest thing for her is that she is unable to talk to anyone about it.coz it's hard finding people who will understand.if this is an experiment,and im the one making report, who know what's my conclusion going to be?
conclusion:it is a guilt for confidence people to feel insecure.



and yeah, she did ask me on ways of handling insecurity, and i feel terrible,coz all i can say is i dont know.i really really have no idea.nway,hope that thing called insecurity goes away ASAP coz by just looking at it, IT KILLS.it really is killing!

what is wrong with me

im feeling so bad right now..n im not knowing the reasons why.this is killing me.and just this morning i hv thought of deleting my account.lately i've been spending no time updating my blog.my last post was like few months ago..but when i was about to delete my account,i went tgk2 my blog.reading things i've posted.. and it hits me!daaaannngggg! i shouldnt delete this. it is just so fun reading it.n it used to be fun writing it too. apart from tht,i also realised smthing. i was actually quite good with words.see the word i used. WAS! im like really bad right now. just take this post as an example. terok da grammar ngn vocab!

itok eyhh,m still wondering why on earth m i feeling so bad..why?why?why?

after for so long...

15 january 2011. the date i last updated my blog. OMG! tht's a long time ago...

honestly, there are so much going on, and i do not where to start. hurrrrmm..

1. life is great. so great!
2. im in my final semester..got only one paper to go
3. im leaving kch in september!owww,nooo!!!leaving kch means leaving ppl i love. *doublesigh*
4. my lazyness strikes despite of having my next and final paper this friday..

ok,fine.i think i should just end this post here. i do not hv anything in my head..
so,tata for nw!!!

i am 21 years old

hello world!! i am now officially 21 years old! weeee... i am 21 but im still daddy's little girl.i cant just simply go out of the house without permission,i still hv curfew and rules to follow and i dont go out late night.. hw's tht?kinda cool to me~~ hehehehehehhe..

there are so much things going on..and there is so little time to spill all the details in here.so,tht means,next time..

thnks to my crew for the choc cake.u guys really gt me.it was unexpected.i was surprised.for real!

thnks mama,bapak and rahmat..the cake was delicious!fantastic.u guys just knw which cake to choose.my fav cake!yummy yummy yummy...

thnks to all for the bday wish..

gonna update more about every single detail on my bday soon when im free..
for now,byebyebye..

my head goes blank

hello peeps! first week of 2011 is coming to an end.. the first week of class is going on well but kinda unexpected. there are actually quite a lot of work compared to the last "first week"..we started studying already and were given h/work, n assignment.. great for me tht i still can catch up.

mr nazri,my lecturer wanted us to do a talk based on any 5 majors of civil engineering.and somehow my head goes blank!dannggggggg...i do not knw wht to talk about. no idea at all. i've been thinking of this,since this morning and now is 1.58 pm, nothing comes to my head. worst,i dont hv a week or two to complete this task.i just hv 2 days. 2 days people.. still so clueless on the first day,obviously, NOT A GOOD SIGN. right now,im just hoping for my brain to come out with something, hopefully a genius one,coz i am running out of timeeeeeee!!!!!!

tomorrow...

tomorrow is the day im going back to my campus. wow!time flies really fast.. im hitting the final semester,babyyyy!!!!yoooooohhhhoooooooooo!!!!! i've knocked 5 semesters down and now let's just rock this last one! bring it on,pressure! im ready..

01.01.11

just like any other holiday..when it ends,all dreamers wake up,all fantasies turn to realities. so this is the time to say "farewell 2010 and hello 2011". 2011. im turning 21 this year.wow!tht's really fast..some ppl may take it as ow my god!im old already..aushhhh,im no longer a teenager...blablabla. but to me age is just a number.it means something but not everything.i feel young,fun,and full of excitement vibe. as for my new year resolution,i do not hv any.which i think is so me.did i actually ever had any new year resolutions before??i guess not,coz i cant remember any..hihihihihihi..obviously,not the "resolutions-kind-of-person". well,now tht 2010 is over, let me say few words about the year of 2010. undeniably,i had my ups and downs of life in this year.i had some trashy moment,failure,been in disasterous situations and even worse,there are actually time where there are too much things tht dont go according to your way tht it makes you feel like "dammit!",ermmm NOPE!in fact,it's a lot worse feeling.way more than just a "dammit".but in the same year,i also feel happy,had some unforgettable memories,laugh like hell,doing stupid stuff,spending time with fellow friends n family by chit-chating.and most importantly, i do feel like "what a wonderful world im living in.just so blessed being me,and wht a great life!salute!!!!!!". tht is life,people!full of dramas,triumph and disaster,happiness,joy and also sadness and failure..we hate to have tears with us,but the choice is not in my hands,not in yours either.. so, wht we have to do is just FACE IT. "fuck off,tears!fuck off,angers!". anyway,im thanking everyone which of course includes YOU for making my year of 2010. thank you,thank you,thank you.


2011. i personally predicted tht the first half of the year will be a great one.i know it will be.and im ready....exciting!even if it's not,i'll make it great.hahahahhaaa.. but the another half of the year i think is going to be hard. yes,im graduating,finally diploma ends.but im furthering for my degree. not in kuching.gonna be in a new city. wht??!!??new city??!!i've been in kuching since forever and now i have to stay in another city for 2 and half years. tht means a new beginning. first impression of new beginning??sucks!i had quite a few times of experiencing the so-called "new beginning".and trust me,none of them are nice. and i believe there is no exception this time. im going to have absolutely hard time adjusting myself to the new environment. i so know tht. a new beginning means tht we are actually starting from the very bottom of whtever it is,and to climb up,is not easy!hard,tough,everything all together. huh!

lastly,happy new year everyone.may Allah bless all my family and friends..Insyaallah,we'll all have a blast this year. bisou,bisou!